Ugh

So I thought I'd never write like this, but I was never a goal oriented writer. I never set out with pen in hand ready to conquer a challenge. I just write what comes to mind. I always told myself I'd never write like this. I thought that short bit from earlier this month was my only concession. Damnit, I kinda feel like a bitch for compromising my own rule. In hindsight, though, the rule bullshit in the first place. It's just me trying to assert the presence of my penis. Damnit. Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn. Ugh.

I love it when she be asking me stuff,
I’m sure it’s been more than 21 questions
But it’s also damned well been more than 21 lessons
On
On
Love?

I been going through affection 101:
A crash course in touching
In holding
Feeling
Kissing
Licking
Living
And
And
Loving?

Fuck if I know.
I don’t know what I know these days
I don’t know I want to know these days
I don’t know what I need to know these days
All I know
Is that
I
I
I miss her

I miss her so much that I curse the sun for yanking me out of the dream that is her reality
I miss her so much that I caress my sheets hoping for them to become warm, to become alive, and become her
only to end up with fingers numb from touch and a mind numb from disappointment
I sit at home and experience a nostalgia that even the Pacific Ocean couldn’t arouse in me:
My hand longs to be at home behind her head
On her arm
On her belly
On her thigh

In her hand

All I have now is her
voice
on the phone
We talk about our day
Tell stories of what I hesitate to call “life”
As if her absence qualified as living
And we ask each other questions
And though we may be apart
she always be teaching me
these
these
lessons

life lessons

Love lessons?

Alaska

I was talking with me pops over brunch this morning. We were talking about the disasters in Myanmar and China and how the respective governments dealt with recovery and with the media. This naturally led to a discussion of life under the Marcos regime back in the PI.

He was talking about how a combination of factors lead to him leaving home. The obvious factors aside (corruption etc.), he said his boss provided a large bit of the motivation. After returning from a three week engineering seminar in California his boss, knowing full well my father's connections to the New Peoples Army and various other activist groups, told him, "Hoy, Rudy. I'm telling you right now, you have to go to America. It's amazing, you can wash dishes there and still have a better, safer life."

"What about my resignation?"

"Hell, don't worry about it. You can send it to me when you're rich in Alaska. Go!"

Shortly thereafter his brother (my uncle) a navy serviceman was able to petition his mother (my grandma) to the US. He figured he should go accompany his mother to the US because my uncle was active duty on a carrier and wouldn't be able to take care of her. This would also be a great chance to check up on all the stories he'd heard. My father, a prominent figure in the Manila scene already had a US Visa, had had one for two years, and there were three days left on it. Right then, he decided to go. He went to visit my mom at work, whom he was only dating at the time,"Hey, do you want to go to America?"

"What? I guess, sure. Why?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

The rest, as one might say, is history. I, on the other hand, would call it my dad's super spontaneous, ballin-ass history.

I LOL'D!

Bow Ties

One of my cousins got married today. My father was a member of the wedding party and had to wear a tuxedo. While getting ready, he couldn't figure out how the pre-tied bowtie worked. His complaint:

"Ay, burat. I can't do this. The only thing I know how to tie is a water buffalo."

Oh, father.

"You don't know your emcees..."

The guys came over again, and are actually still here. So I started playing "Rising Up" by the Roots and Pee asks if it's Lupe.

"Naw, man. That's the Roots. You don't know your emcees, son."

"Yeah I do. I know mad Emcees."

Chris comes in with, "Yeah, I know some emcees be smoove with the flow. I pipe some, no homo."

Day chimes in, "I know an emcee I'd pipe. Mariah Carey. Dig that."

By far the most quotable person on the planet.

Late night

I just finished reading "The Turing Option," and amazing book by the way, and I was about to go to sleep. I layed there, shifting positions awkwardly. Couldn't sleep, despite the time, and stared the the ceiling thinking about how much it sucks to be tired sleepless. I hate taking drugs, so I guess I'll put pen to paper and then tough out the night.

I line up pillows to take her place,
but nothing can replicate that warm embrace,
I miss skin on skin.

And hell, it's not even sexual,
I mean, shit, even porn's ineffectual.
Her absence makes sleeping sin.

George Watsky at Blah Blah Blah Series pt 1 @ the Bowery

Oh goodness. As a good friend of mine would say, "...alliteration is my fucking fantastically favorite literary device."

"Just Friends" Cover

Love this guy. They say a competent violinist should also be a competent vocalist. Well, "fuck me upside down and sideways," as a friend of mine would say, if this guy can't singed damned well.

That's some...

...real nigga words!"

So, Day² (Damien a.k.a. Day Day) and Jon were playing ping pong in my house and Jon won a few points in a row so he started getting mad cocky and talking shit (even more than usual).

"Yo, son, I thought you was sweet! You can't see me, nigga!"

"Fuck 'yo little Filipino ass. Talkin' shit like you a nigga."

"Nigga, fuck you, how you gonna get mad now after I been saying 'nigga' all your life!?"

"I'm not mad you sayin' it, I'm mad you talking shit wrong."

"Yeah, then show me some real 'nigga talk!'"

Day² then hits a winner and declares, "That's some real nigga words, son!!!" He drops the paddle and runs around the house repeatedly screaming "Face, nigga! I keep it real! Buck buck buck buck buck!"

Meanwhile John stands in his place and screams, "Look, son I'm still up. Pick up your shit and swing that so I can finish waxing your punk ass."

Day² made an epic comeback to win the match and proceeded to take off his wifebeater and twirl it around while running around the house. He finished his circuit and returned to rip the fitted off Jon's head and stomp on it.

Anyways, predictably more shit was spoken and they fought outside the house. No one was hurt and they ended up hugging in the end and returning into my house to eat Honey Nut Cheerios together while watching the Tennis Channel.

Again, I love coming home.